Being the Change
Last week an acquaintance told me about a woman she heard in a podcast who described hearing the women in her family talking about “the change.” As a twelve- or thirteen-year-old girl she wondered what that meant: How were they going to change and what were they going to change into?
Ultimately, these are the questions at the heart of the menopause transition and, to paraphrase the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, we must live—not study, think, browbeat, or buy, but live—our way into the answers. Who will we be and what will we do with our lives on the other side of this tumultuous, messy, painful, enlightening time?
We do not have a choice about engaging with these questions about how we will change. As with menstruation or pregnancy, the changes happening within take over and shift our bodies and minds, not needing or desiring our consent or cooperation to do so. Even if for some reason we identify as women but do not menstruate, we are still subject to the cultural and social perceptions of women and their bodies, and perhaps to hormonal fluctuations and symptoms. Even if we have consciously chosen to become pregnant, still the process of gestation, our hormonal responses, and the outcome is out of our control.
As women we negotiate soul-shaking, body and mind sculpting transformation at multiple specific times in our lives. These natural, healthy transitions are built into our genetic blueprint. And even if they are not exactly elemental in the sense of being essential to becoming or being a woman, they have become elemental to womanhood because of how “woman” has been perceived—even constructed—within the patriarchy.
Menopause has been referred to as “the change” at least since the Victorian era, when the phrase came into common usage to describe the confusing and somewhat alarming symptoms women experienced during this time. I find the vague, somewhat ominous simplicity of this phrase completely apt for presaging the menopause transition. Like “9/11” or “Roe v. Wade,” “the change” refers simply and without apparent drama to an entire constellation of causes and conditions that trigger internally seismic events and alter human beings and life trajectories.
Thinking about menopause as “the change” caused me to start thinking about Gandhi’s statement, "Be the change you wish you see in the world." Looking into it I found that this quote is a paraphrase of what he actually said, "We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change." (https://www.genesisca.org/single-post/2019/06/17/be-the-change)
I think this beautifully expresses both the embodied nature of the menopause experience, and also the opportunity that we have in moving through menopause to become living manifestations of the change we would like to see in the world.
The menopausal transition has been kicking my ass and I wasn't expecting it to. I am here, writing this now, in an attempt to come to some sort of peace with what is happening within me. I chose the name Being the Change because it occurred to me, (after quite a few years of struggle and resentment), that in the process of consciously negotiating and embodying this radical change--rather than resisting it—I may have the opportunity to become a force for the positive change I want to see in the world.
I'm inviting you to join me here, because if you are going through “The Change,” preparing to enter it, or if you have already emerged on the other side, you have this opportunity, too.
Short Bio
My name is Jenny and I have been struggling with perimenopause intensely for the past 3+ years. I decided I needed to finally release--embrace? accept? surrender to?--the struggle to do something creative with all the energy that seems to be bubbling up as I move progressively toward the official menopause mark.
I am a certified yoga teacher, a licensed massage therapist, and a writer. Last year I completed a masters degree in public health, but trying to break into that field has been difficult. So while I continue the job search I am also turning my attention to constructively working through this powerful rite of passage that has pretty much taken over my body, mind, and life. Companionship on the path helps all of us feel less crazy, less helpless, and more empowered. So thank you for joining me!
Content:
1. My intention is to post at least 1-2 new blog entries per week.
2. On the “Resources” page I will provide links to and descriptions of information and resources that may be helpful and supportive.
3. Under the “Support” heading I aim to post a short video once a week with a practice that may provide some respite and support for the physical and emotional symptoms and challenges of menopause.
4. The “Community” page I am reserving for any questions or comments I receive from you that I have permission to share with the larger community. It is my hope that we will create a community of support and sharing so that we can reduce the isolation that often typifies women’s experiences and undermines our power and confidence.
Inclusivity
This blog site is meant to be inclusive of the experiences of cisgender women, transgender women, transgender men, non-binary people, people of any sexual orientation, race, socioeconomic class, ability, and culture. I intend to work to make it relevant and sensitive to the issues of every person who experiences menopause although I know that, as a person who stands at a distinct intersection of identities, I will likely fall short at times.
I would also like the information and practices here to be relevant to those who are approaching menopause, those who are currently transitioning through menopause, and those who are in postmenopause. It takes a while for symptoms and sequelae to settle out after the official “menopause” date is attained. And for those who are still menstruating regularly and putting menopause at the bottom of the “to think about list” I would just say, I wish I had spent more time considering it before it crashed over me like a rogue wave in my fiftieth year.
For those people who have experienced a particularly early menopause due to Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), medical or surgical treatments, or simply genetic reasons, I aspire to be inclusive of your experience and hope that you will help me to do so.
Throughout the blog I will most often use the words "woman" or "women" to refer to the people I am talking to and about. Occasionally, I will use the phrase "women and people." I have chosen to do this because the majority of the people who are going through menopause changes are cisgender women, people who identify as women, and/or people with predominantly female biologies and physiologies. I know how it feels when language is exclusive and "he/white" becomes the explicit or assumed subject. It is my intention to write from and communicate an inclusive perspective despite the limitations of language.
I am asking all of you to reach out with any questions, comments, or challenges you have. I am open to being contradicted and confronted with my bias or ignorance. I am also interested in doing more research and discovering answers to questions you raise that I have not thought of. I would like to learn from all of you as I hope you will learn interesting and helpful things from what I offer.
You can email me at beingthechange.us@gmail.com.
If you do contact me, please include the following:
**Your question, comment, or correction
**If it is okay for me to place your question/comment/correction on the "Community" page
**What name and/or location (e.g., city, state) you would like me to use to identify you.
